ACDF888

hello

it's hard to believe that it's been nearly a year and a half since i've last posted anything. quite honestly, i've missed it. there have been countless times where i've wanted to turn to you to share my triumphs, my failures, my aspirations and my frustrations, but there has never been any time, or i've just lacked the motivation. but i've returned...for the time being.

what has happened in my life since March 16, 2009? where do i start and where do i end?

-i left a job i had held for nearly 6 years with feelings of anger and spite, and betrayal. my loyalty to them amounted to nothing but constantly being passed over and shoved to the side. one of life's harshest lessons was taught to me and i value it now dearly. never trust anything in which you have no control, everything is finite. effort can't always overcome fate.

-i made a foolish purchase of a car that i didn't need but convinced myself that i had to have. thinking back now i realize that i coveted being able to buy the car, rather than the car itself. when you come from nothing, every little indicator that you're doing a little better in life means the world to you. it's sad but i still see the world in terms of what you can buy as being how far you've come. may God help me.

-i've been working at minimum 60+ hours a week with a new job that i've been at for over a year now, and my old part time job at costco. At first, this was out of absolute necessity, and now even more so because i've grown used to having that level of income. let no man ever question my motivation to get the things that i feel that i should have, because i've proven time and again my willingness to sacrifice to get it.

-as you've now noticed, my personal finances have been at the forefront of my daily life for the past year. given the perfect storm of my vanity, stupidity, lack of income and "have to have it" attitude, i had amassed an enormous amount of debt, to the point where i had decided it was time to take action. in august, seeing as how any amount of payment that i sent into 3 separate credit cards barely even covered interest i took the drastic measure of enrolling myself into a "debt consolidation" program. for context, this program is much less consolidation, but rather just a trust fund you open and into which you deposit a certain amount each month that will eventually go to your creditors. you stop paying your credit cards and go into delinquency, this forces the creditors hand, and with luck, they will offer to settle your debt to them for a fraction of the amount. it's far too soon for me to comment on whether this choice was a good or bad idea, but i can breathe easier about it now because i'm $10,000 of debt richer.

long story short, one day, my dad had a potentially lethal ulcer and felt that he might not have much longer to live. over the years, he had been saving money for me to one day use for my marriage. you have to realize that my dad has no income save for some social security benefits and war vet money from his service in Taiwan to realize the brevity of him wanting to give me $10,000 dollars in cash. it's hard to imagine the things he'd passed up on just to save this money for me. it was a monumental gesture. i had never wanted anything like this, nor did i expect it. but it happened, and save for a car payment and a student loan, i am completely obligation free.

-in the span of a year and a half, i've already more than doubled my net woth in assets and cash flow. i'm where i wanted to be somewhere in my own personal 5 year plan, just 3 years earlier than expected, and to that i owe everything to my parents. the weight of the world has been truly lifted from my shoulders. like i said, when you come from nothing, every little bit means everything.

i also think that i've found the right person with whom to share this new found happiness and financial freedom, but i proceed with caution because simply, there's far too many uncertainties, despite the fact that the picture is becoming clearer by the day. all i can hope for is the best, and expect the worst, as i always have since i left the comforts of my parent's home.

-it may come as no surprise that in this year and a half, i've become even more vain and materialistic than before, as though that were even possible. to the point that someone who's opinion gains greater levity with me everyday commented that i was "high-maintenance." it's something that's stuck with me since she's mentioned it. i mull it over in my head nightly, among the thousands of other things that go on in my mind.

i don't deny the fact i've come to worship the dollar, but to myself and the rest of ACDF, it is the literally the light at the end of the tunnel for us. people like us are driven by the struggle for wealth, it fuels us. we live for this pursuit, and it is something that we can never have enough of. appeasement is simply not an option. word to the Alexander the Great tattoo on my chest, there can never be enough, only what's NEXT.

i'm ghost. peace.

ps, if any of this is vague, it's probably intentional.