thoughts of a dying atheist

just when you think the stars are aligned, whatever Higher Being is out there throws you for a loop.

i've resolved that, for the moment, and perhaps for an eternia, i am not long for happiness.

the two words, "my" and "boyfriend" are usually inate and harmless words, but damn, when put next to each other, by the right person, that shit can pierce straight to your heart.

i guess the signs were there:
the rain on my ex-favorite day of the week
spilling fucking hot SCALDING coffee in my lap on my favorite pair of jeans

明知山有虎，偏向虎山行．
this proverb translates something like this:

knowing in the mountain there lives a tiger, you still approach the mountain.

will that be me? i honestly don't know now, i have to play everything by ear. as much as i wish i could be smooth like they are in the movies, and say shit like, "you had me a hello" or that epic soliloquy from the end of hitch, i have to deal with the millions of adjustments and changes that the world presents.

so yeah, horoscopes are wrong. dey dey was right all along. if i wasn't really emo before, i am now.

asymptotically approaching the mountain of the tiger,
ray ray.