[15:32] deniseebabyy: you are SUCH a debbie downer.

thinking back on the nightmare that i call growing up, i recall many an instance in which i was told "you don't talk enough" or was asked "why don't you talk much?"

well, when you're talking, you're not learning. that's my rationale, and i'm sticking to my guns.

i do realize on the communication side, i was lacking, and still do lack a great deal. that isn't to say i haven't made great strides though, at least in my opinion, and on this blog, isn't that all that matters? lol

my guess is that i'm just lacking in self confidence is all. you would think that losing weight or wearing designer clothing and expensive shoes would remedy this, but it really doesn't. at least it doesn't in my case, especially when you're a fuckin pauper in prince's robes. there's always a fear that the veil will be lifted, and your hellacious lie will be revealed to the world. it's not that i let the clothing define the man though, i don't suppose, but i just have an affinity for nice things. even if it's kinda homo/metro haha, but if you wanna see the worst-case scenario, talk to ex-dallas star hockey player sean avery.

another gripe people have always had about me: i never show any emotion. this i can concede to, but is it too hard to fathom that i might not give a fuck? i'm sorry if it takes something to hit really close to home for me to seem rattled, but that's just how i am. contrary to what you may assume though, i don't think of showing emotion as a weakness. i happen to think that to be able to show emotion takes a great deal of strength and self assurance. which leads back to the lack of self confidence thing, i simply don't have the strength necessary to be able to show emotion.

where am i going with this? i have no idea, i just felt the need to get something off the chest.

pieces,

rcc