thoughts of a dying atheist

since my last two posts lacked any real substance, i feel that i owe you guys a little more...

you guys ever seen the movie, Mulan by disney? i'd like to remake that movie but have every character in that movie's eyes look like this -_-

i'd also like to give them buckteeth and turn all the L's in the film into R's. that type of shit would be funny to me.

if you're going to stereotype asians, might as well do it to the fullest extent, why hold your punches?




i went to tony and sinich's wedding last month, and it was then that i realized how much has changed in a two year span.

children were born, friends were lost, dreams were abandoned, fires rekindled and so much more. there was failure, there was triumph.

2007 has been the most interesting year i've ever had. however, living through such a dynamic year has put me through a whole spectrum of emotion.

there were times when i felt on top of the world, times when i felt castaway, times when i rejoiced and times when i just wanted to be left the fuck alone.

as we cradle the coming of 2008, i come to find myself in the midst of an identity crisis. there have been so many iterations of my defining traits that i really don't know which quantify the real "ray."

i can't say that i fit in anywhere. the problem with knowing a little bit about everything is that you can't know a lot about anything.

i don't specialize in anything anymore. i suppose this is the tradeoff that one makes in order to avoid being one dimensional.


christmas is less than a week away, and unsurprisingly, i am even less excited than i was last year. this is my fifth christmas after leaving the nest, each one has gotten less and less fun.

the only thing that i do look forward to every holiday is going home. my life in the past five years have been characterized by change; changing cars, clothes, apartments, friends, jobs and even schools. the one thing that never changes is mom's house. dad's cooking. no matter how often i neglect my family, they still genuinely care about me. this is something i finally came to appreciate last year, when i spent time with them, in earnest.

i am only half related to all my brothers and sisters, we share the same father. despite that fact, i've never once not considered them real brothers or sisters. they've often been envious of the time i've been able to spend with my father, justifiably so. they say that he favored me over all of them because i got to see the world with him: china, taiwan, hong kong, singapore, korea, and canada are all stamps in my passport. i used to loathe traveling with him because i felt that he was dragging me along. how stupid i was.

before i start rambling too much, i'll bring it to a close. did anybody else notice how many times this year i've began sentences with:

i realize..
i've learned..
i now understand..

or something that follows in the same vain?

i don't think it's too much to say that i have learned a lot this year. i've grown a lot this year. there came a point when things just began to make sense. the light bulb turned on.

with that said, there's still much work to be done.

short term goals:

Graduate
Get Fuji published in Inc!te
Get a story into KIOSK
Settle debts

long term goals:

Home ownership
Settle down(kind of unforeseeable at this point, considering that i haven't even gotten worked up?)
Win a Pulitzer Prize (haha reach for the stars)

Tuesday, January 24, 2008, you motherfuckers better ALL be at UCI to see Fuji performing. it's been almost half a year since he's last been on, so go.

I am Lebron James. you don't want to be me.