thoughts of a dying atheist

i'd like to thank everybody for the warm sentiments of encouragement.

after giving the tragedy that i call my life a thorough combing through, i can now see that all the trials that i have faced have been opportunities at achieving greatness.

i once told myself that nothing of value can be acquired without sacrifice. i now stand at the door to the greatest accomplishment that i could have ever dreamed. growing up, the thought of graduating from college was always a distant fantasy. the closer i got, the less real it seemed. now only a mere two quarters away, there's no escaping destiny. i simply can't allow a measly couple of grand (in contrast to the tens of thousands already down the drain) to stop me from taking what's meant to be mine.

my previous whiny bitch rant was just a result of pent up frustration, probably due to my lack of going to the gym in nearly 2 months. this blog has been my main source of dissipation when it comes to anguish lately. if men had menstrual cycles, this would be my time of month. i do have to admit that it's fucking annoying that all this random shit that happens to me really tests the limits of my patience, but i've often been told that i have a deep reserve of that virtue. it just gets really tiring is all.

i'm not very religious, nor have i completely given myself over to the concept of monotheism (save in times of desperation, shallow, i know..), but i used to question what i had done to be forsaken by the Supreme, but then i think back and realize that it was i who had done the forsaking. these hardships are just a chance at redemption. it's 5:30am, i haven't slept, i really should be studying, but i thought i'd just drop a line to let you guys know that i'm not going to be killing myself haha. also, i wanted to drop a line of congratulations to zac on graduating, it only took us 6 years. haha.

with that said, my new driving force is this phrase:

obstacles are what you pass on the road to glory.


for honor. for sparta.

R